Struggling With A Relationship? This is for you.
Go toward the love!
I started writing a different article, it felt relevant and important, until I really listened in about what was going on in MY right now. What MY mind has been processing, my gut has been informing me about, and my Soul is saying “We are still learning this lesson!”
The story begins with one of my kids…
One of my kids is struggling with a friendship that has drastically changed. The change has left her sad, angry and spending a lot of time ruminating about that person. Mulling over what that person did or didn’t do, what she (said daughter of mine) did or didn’t do, or isn’t enough of or is too much of to “deserve” the painful shift in relationship that’s occurred this school year.
At the same time, I noticed that a friend of mine was responding in short, reserved ways in our text exchange. I began to worry and wonder and spend time mulling over what I could or could not have done that may have brought on this shift in communication. I reached out to check in with said friend and they answered in a vague way. The answer left me feeling unsettled so I reached out again and asked to connect for a realtime conversation. Friend said they were fine, just working through life in the way they do. Because I’m an empath whose psychic, I know there’s more, and I also know I need to respect their process and way of being. AND, I felt a yuck in my gut.
Flashback:
Years ago I called an Intuitive Counselor. He was a no-nonsense kind of guy with an abrupt bedside manner. I called because I was in a huge amount of pain around a relationship that was feeling abusive, dismissive and toxic. And, because of the nature of the relationship, it wasn’t one I could just walk away from forever (given the ties, connections, locale, etc).
Expecting validation, empathy and some general kindness around what I had shared with him, I did not expect it when he gruffly and impatiently asked me:
“Do you have people in your life you love?”
“Yes” I said.
“Do you have people in your life that love you?”
“Yes” I said.
“Well then, go toward THAT love. Don’t keep putting your energy into those that withhold their love. It’s a waste of your time.”
At the time I felt dismissed and overlooked. I didn’t feel seen or heard by this guy at all. I was pretty pissed off.
But you know what? I’ve thought back to his questions many times. I’ve employed it in my life, I’ve shared it with clients and I’ve offered it to my kids.
Go toward the love.
Go toward the love.
Go toward the love.
Spending your time and energy working to convert or convince or win someone over is a million percent not worth it. This absolutely does not mean you cut them off and never speak to them again (unless it IS truly abusive and you need to. This is a different conversation). You are simply choosing NOT to abandon YOURSELF, YOUR feelings, YOUR worth, YOUR needs. You are choosing to look in the direction of love.
I encouraged my daughter to EXTRA notice today all of the lovely friends who gather with her at lunch. The sparkly hearts that are helping her prepare for an upcoming event she is hosting. The kind souls who invite her to ski and go out to eat and spend time. And last but not least, take a moment to acknowledge her own beautiful, supportive, kind, loving spirit.
Go toward the love.
I reminded myself of this very same thing as I was left with the residue of yuck from the conversation with the friend.
I’m not abandoning the friend, nor am I abandoning myself, nor am I ignoring my parts/feelings/emotions. My heart will remain open to this person. I simply choose to shift my energy and look in the direction of love.
At the exact time I reminded myself to look toward love, two beautiful friends texted me fun, thoughtful greetings. I noticed their loving energy and let it sink in.
That is the thing about life..We will forever be shown opportunities to grow our soul, our emotional selves and spiritual selves.
Choose wisely.
Go toward the LOVE.
About The Author
Martha Arnett is a psychotherapist, psychic, and life coach. She helps people heal what’s in the way, reclaim their confidence and step into their Highest Self— so they can experience more joy and success in every area of life.
